Ok so I've not posted in ages, but tonight after a good night out and alcohol.. I feel the need for a bit of a rant.
So what has caused this...
Well in my previous blogs I've mentioned a woman who shattered my heart.. Now divorced from her husband and I've had no contact with for 2 years, after a last message didn't even warrant 2 seconds to say no to..
Throughout the last 2 years I have been tempted and at times failed in self control and ended up checking on her welfare, and goings on... Seemingly, my lack of communication caused no response or action on her part.. For me it has borne countless sleepless nights and frustration, coupled with anger.
Tonight I was tempted and looked apon some things she had posted, apart from a picture of her looking beautiful, there are many of her and here new man, but a recent post about losing friends... Almost perfectly timed to the last communication...
It stated about losing friends and when she split from her husband, ones she thought were proper friends, showed their true colours and abandoned her when times got tough... Ones who would have done anything, now are not there and how her new fella has been there these last seven years...
Ha, I thought, I offered all this at the time, but all I got was rebuked, I was there, I loved her like there was no tomorrow, I would have done anything for her and since our thing 8 years ago and would have been there forever, but 2 years ago I was, as it seems happily abandoned.
I'd like to think I had the guts to write to her now, but I can't, as she holds so much power over me still, it's not a bad thing, but all the emotion I put in, would be wasted in a letter or anything else and after her rose tinted view of things, what would be the point, yet more waste...
I've learnt a lot about things since me and her, but once things went wrong.. The trail always lead back.. At the moment I can't help but boil with frustration, at the way I now know I was treated for my selflessness putting her first...even now..
This is one cross I cannot bear, the anger at having feelings still for her and the way I have been treated. It's truthfully not about me, as I'm not like that, is more as what it has become, my happiness it glad she is so, but on the same level annoyed that I feel I have been bundled into this bunch of former friends who have to shoulder some blame...
So if RJB ever see this... Take a look back.. Something else was broken beyond a friendship and it wasn't by this party...
