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We're Wide Awake it's good to know.. get set lets go...

Well it's been a bit since my normal blogging... the Christmas special took it out of me... and as usual I don't know what to write about...

So what now... it has kept me awake wondering... but then I thought I suppose that's an idea....

So lack of sleep, either intentional or not, is it fun or not?

In a previous blog I've mentioned about being lost in Transience last year... where I had to stay up, so that I could get home... but there have been other times, where the day has past twice for me... and here are a few.... maybe boring sorry...

Just before the turn of the new century, me and my best friend B journeyed over to Ibiza on an 18-30's holiday, we partied hard and sometimes till the early hours... (I waited till 6am for a foam party.. was worth it...). Once only being blind drunk and doing my walk.... my sense of direction not failing me....it has only once...

But when the second too last day rolled up and we had to leave the apartment at 10am.. but the flight was not till 6.30am the following morning... and this was to be a long, long day....

We hung around for ages with the suitcases, morning turning into afternoon, afternoon till evening and then eventually morning again... the coach arrived and ferried us into the already packed airport, queues to go and queues arriving, packed onto the just vacated coaches... the queue took ages to move.. enough time for me to get the courage up to ask the girl in front if she needed help, but now it was nearly the end of the queue.. and she said no.

The journey back was non discript, packed in like animals and one seat from the alley.... but I did have a dodgy stomach (don't eat boiled chicken abroad), so I was up every hour.. so sleep was not an easy thing to get.

Back in blighty, B offered for me to stay over, but through some disagreement, I got in my car and drove off, which wasn't the best idea.... as I discovered further down the motorway, I kept having to shake the cobwebs from my head.... after an age I arrived home and flaked out... feeling drained and not at all happy... but this was not always the case with staying Awake......

------ 2nd Time...

A few years ago.... I had the most euphoric experience of my life, one which still has the same effect on me now when I think about it....

I was far away from home and work, a new chapter just beginning when this life changing moment came, I didn't realised how good and bad my next year was going to be... but what started it off on a high was.... I got told I was missed by someone beautiful and special to me...

And then from that moment onwards (about 8pm, 24th of Aug) I was too excited to sleep, as if it would make me miss something... but for the next few hours (till 4am) things continued to be like the perfect start to something new....

I languished awake waiting for the next thrilling installment... hiding when the owner of the flat came through early in the morning... my eyes filled already with sleep.... but that wasn't the end of my first day... I still had to drive home and a long one that was to be... my companion finding sleep next to me, as she always did traveling, me I had the monotony of the open road ahead of me, a van full of stuff and a distant radio... but salvation was at hand...my brain was filled to breaking point with euphoria...

The rest of the day was a blur of unpacking, shifting and tidying... but once that was done, a quick trip to Tesco's...

By now it was just creeping up to the 24 hour mark, the feeling not receding, merely getting topped up by the contact.... I felt like I was floating whilst shopping.. barely sensing anything around me.... this continued that night also, but some sleep crossed my eyes... not much in 48 hours I had less than 5 hours decent sleep... but would I have changed this.. nope... not for anything....

------------ 3rd time.

My more recent experience was on holiday last year, ahead of me was a journey of 540miles as a passenger in a car. We set off in good time, the shifts all worked out of who was to be driving at the time, B.E was first so she could get used to the large vehicle, then her husband 'Leadfoot', (Nice guy, tad boring at times, but has a huge lead foot... he can cut journey times in half, but the element of possibly dying in a crash... up ten fold).

So for the first part the journey was just like any other, countless cars passing by the window, familiar sites up to my old haunt of Carlisle, then into the beautiful hills and mountains of Scotland. All this was fine, motorways helping us cut up the miles and B.E being pregnant we had to make regular stops.. then the night came in....

Soon we where in the motorway free highlands of Scotland, dark winding roads, cars becoming fewer and places to stop also, I just carried looking at the scenery and talking to T.

Anything was subject matter, over the low radio, our other two passengers asleep in the back... odd glimpses on wildlife in the headlights, calmly going about their business...

I did try to close my eyes at times, but maybe for the fact I was going on holiday for the first time in years... I was excited. Forests went by... mountains and as mentioned wildlife.... the road slowly snaking towards out ferry terminal.... which we pulled up in good time... just to see some of the locals falling out of the club in the town... once parked up, G realised he had read the times of the ferry wrong, so we nearly 6 hours early so then it was bunk down in the car... but not for me!...

I was still keeping the sandman at bay... my ipod, psp entertaining me... but as dawns fingers slowly crawled across the sky, I left the car and had a quick walk around the port, trying to take pictures in the twilight, with my legs stretched and my fellow travelers, we drove round the town and tried and find a garage or somewhere open. But after a quick tour of the place, which we'd only really seen close down the night before... nothing was open, so back to port and wait for the cafe to open it's doors... around 7.30am, which was just before my 24hr mark...

The cafe opened and it must have been quite a rush that early in the morning, people actually hanging around the doors on a Saturday.... so a breakfast was consumed... and much to the annoyance of my sleepy fellow passengers, I was still rather chipper... full of energy... and grinning like mad...

Nine am rolled in and we rolled onto the ferry.... hour an half later, the shores of Orkney welcomed us.... we quickly found our lodgings and the boat for the diving.... sorted out loading the equipment... still which happily lodged itself in my memory... but it around this time that my brain started to blur everything into a big stream of actions...

I remember shopping for supplies and a quick tour around the town, our other companions arriving... and from then on the drinking began, slow but steady in the local... trapping and killing the troublesome wasps and flies... but then it hit me like a tidal wave.... I began to flag at an alarming rate

After boasting to everyone about my lack of sleep, I had to go... so just as the 36 hour mark hit... I was in bed, light still outside and friends still drinking... but I was glad to find rest now... before the sleepless nights of my companions snoring....

-----------

So till the next time I either have a choice about staying awake, one thing I have learnt is when it's through circumstance rather than choice.... it a lot better.... Bubbles proved that ....

Fashion turn left Fashion Turn left and naughty boys

Now men generally don't like shopping, it seems all done by the girlfriend or her in doors, including the purchase of his underwear...

Me, I enjoy it strangely, at least I participate well, have to since a lot of my friends of girls, but as well since I'm very single.. I have to do it...

I point and nod, suggest and basically like ever other bloke trail round after the female, with handbags, draped coat and all other shopping bags, but I do check out other clothes.

Maybe this is part due to my father working in textiles and as a kid I sometimes had the opportunity to go into the factory and check out the fresh new material before it had been cut into shapes... or the many samples he brought home, being told what they were made of, fake or natural etc etc.

I didn't really pick up much on the names or the certain type of weave, my dads a 4th generation textile man and along with my grandpa, what they don't know could probably be written on a postage stamp, me I took a different direction....

But back to the shopping, after a while it is done, but as ever with big outlets comes the big queue... so my male brain takes over, I go and wait, with the rest of the days purchases.

I wander over to the only place with seating... outside the changing rooms.

It already looks like a gather place for males, sat while their mate tries a huge rack of clothes.

Seems that the male of the species, gets more defiant with age at shopping with their mate, this does depend on the size and of type of store.. in a recent "bargin" outlet just by the arrangement of shoes, sat what can only be described as a sea of pulled up chinos, like an aging Simon Cowell fan club... I wanted to try on some of the shoes... but most of the seats had an arse parked on it for over 20mins and had no intention of shifting...

In this area of seating, we all look like naughty kids waiting to see the headmaster at school, trying hard to distract ourselves.

Some sit head in hands probably wondering how they are to pay for the new in coat, others just look bored, thumb twidderling, picking their nose or nails and picking invisible lint off their clothes.

There are magazines to read, but not the kind that will fill the mind with fun and laughter, no a baby magazine, full of all sorts of things for babies, from the first dummy they suck to the nikey branded pants they will poo in.

The other a typical fashion magazines, with skinny people in, or the good looking flawless males and females, drapped in fashions that will never fit me, you or the normal types.

So where do we as males escape to in these times?.. thanks to smart phones, it's all head down to look at a small screen, blanking our minds to the "real life", searching for cat videos and any people hurting themselves... but as we find out some department stores don't have very good reception, so the distraction doesn't last long....

And soon it's purchases paid, american express will do nicely thank you... and off to the next shop to repeat the same process...

One day all shops will have a men area as well as a kiddy area, big tv's showing re-runs of micheala strackens boundless energy or nigella lawson's ample bossom or sarah beeneys or linda carters wonder woman, along with a big ball pit and slide...

.. I just hope I'm claimed at the end...

A ghostly Cheerio of Xmas past Stave 3

So the final part is apon us... and what will happen in the cliff hanger ending we had in Stave 2......

So once more and for the final time stare into my bouncing ball and gaze with wonder into past events......

Where did we leave it... oh yes Crunchy Nut had just been introduced to the Ghost of the future...

So who Are You?

But not a whisper came from the mouth of the Ghost in front of him...

So you are going to show me the course I could take, and according to the first two I have 3 options, each with an outcome... I've seen the past and the present but why should I worry about what might be.... I'm rich, and fairly content with what I have....

The Ghost then muttered..."3 fates".

First....

AHHHHHHHHHHH!..... Screamed Crunchy Nut....... as soon as the jaws snapped... he was back in his chair.....

"that wasn't so bad... really", he said with a quiver in his voice and poop in his pants...

" so this is my fate if I just stay like I am...."

The figure simply nodded...

Then once more he was whisked away.... and began to fall... towards this second fated doom!!!!

But just as the first touch of milk hit him and he began to dissolve, he was back in his chair.... but now he smelled a little more ripe.... like a tramps underpants...

"So these are my bad fates.... so what!"

"But..." said the figure... "it's what happens to others...."

The figure then placed a finger to his lips.... shhhh and the room vanished....

They stood in misty ground.... which cleared to reveal a cemetery....

"Where are we now?..." but the figure just pointed to a figure taking a piss on a grave....

"That's mine!", was crunchy nuts shocked expression

"You bastard Ebenezzer, all we wanted from you was one christmas dinner, but most of all your fortune when you died, but no... far to caught up in flying saucers and sh*t..... pssssssHHH! Kids your turn... and remember to wipe a bit of poo over the grave stone as you finish..."

"Cecil... How did this happen......you were the only one who understood"

Again things went misty... but clear once more....

and there was the cheerio family huddled around a small grave it's toothpick and blu tack cross hanging limply in the air....

"I'm sorry Tim that we didn't get to you in time with that kitchen cloth, we could have soaked up the milk with just Juan Sheet!, You was such a cheery soul, full of 14 vitamins and minerals, low in fat, a good source of calcium and fiber.... you was the whole grain, all in all good for the heart, I don't know what more could have been done... if only them burglars had left your gloves... things could have ended up different...."

The Cheerio Family just weeped more, their tears started to make them crumble..... and the ghost stayed silent...

"Poor half Tim", said Ebenezzer, "if only things could be different.... but they can this is the future.... I can change this.. I will change this..."

"I'll get to Penny world first thing and solve this..."

With this the Ghost hurtled him back to his house....

"what now..... what is my fate?"....

The ghost showed him.... a lone crunchy nut behind the fridge... slowly turning to dust... gone but not forgotten..."

His expression changed from one of sadness to one of glee!.

"That's the fate I want, and I shall have!".

With this declaration he woke up in his chair and jumped for joy and headed towards the window.

He threw open the window and shouted into the street.... "Oye urchin!..."

"What me?" said a ruff cheerio...

"Yes you with the hole... take this money and go to the butchers and get their two finest percy pigs and hurry back... there's a fifty in it for you...." and with that he threw down two pound coin toward the waiting cheerio... Thump... Chrunch....

"Oye other urchin..."

"What me sir?"

"Yes... take that coin over to the butchers and get me some percy pigs..."

"Righty hoo!. "and off he rolled to the butchers....

Once at the Burton Family Butchers, the cheerio when in and purchased the last 2 pigs... and took them back to crunchy nut's house.....

Here keep the change my boy...

"Wow a whole 50p, I'll be able to buy back my family again, after my father sold them to the local chemist for medical test dummies...."

but fate was not on this urchin cheerios side... the coins tipped... and there was some more crumbs on the paper laid pavement.

Crunchy nut, rushed off to his brothers house.. and banged on the door...

"Good morning! I bring you (rather late or early) christmas cheer and have brought you a fine percy pig for all the family to enjoy and presents... and a special one of kelly brook in sussys for you to enjoy in quiet of your parlour... wink wink nudge nudge.... I will take up your invite and shall be over boxing day.. with more presents.. good day to you and happy christmas.. I have a urgent errand I must attend too.."

"Who was that dear, oh the brother of the last owner ... he'd not realised he moved 5 years ago, but we did get a fine percy pig from the deal"

"Are you going to tell him of his mistake?... "

"I will but I'm just off to the parlour for a moment... I think what the butler saw machine is playing up...."

Ebnezzer rushed quickly off to Cheerios matchbox house...

He loudly banged on the door almost snapping it...

A tired bleery eyed Cheerio answered the door...

"Mr Crunchy Nut... what you doing here... I'm sorry to say that you've come at a bad time..."

"Worry not I've come to solve all your woes... first here's a big percy pig... and I managed to get all your presents and gloves for Tim... How is he?"

"Quick give me them gloves... they might just wake him..."

They wafted the woolen mittens under his little nose... with a tentative blink his eyes opened...

"Gloves?.... for me?" came a little voice.

"Yes tim, all yours and look matching socks, scarf and jumper, Mr Crunchy nut brought them for you.."

"How did you know sir?"

"Just say a change of heart helped me find out... now tim are you ready to run around outside... jump on my shoulders and we'll got out in the snow...."

So off they went in to the streets of the big smoke, running through the streets telling everyone to have a Merry Christmas... But tragedy came ebenzer slipped on some ice and dropped tiny tim to the hard floor.... Half Tim, Tim, I'm so sorry... Are you ok?...

"Sorry mister crunchy nut... I think half of me is done for.... but I'm ok... I think I'll have to get another crutch for my birthday..."

Oh how they laughed...

But Merry Christmas one and all (be it very late or very early)....

THE END...

I Fester know this tale to be true*, because if you go to a certain grave in Edinburgh you'll find a lone cereal sat on his masters grave howling at the moon.... but that is another story...

I maybe back next year... with more planning...

*it's all a lie really.