A ghostly Cheerio of Xmas past Stave 2

for scare-rah.... and jules

So you're back for the second part of our Christmas special (Little late as these things take time).... Gaze once more into my bouncing ball....

While the wrapping went on in the Cheerio household, different things where about to happen in the presence of Ebenzer.....

Crunchy Nut had finally left his office just before midnight...

"Merry Christmas Sir, could you spare a farthing" asked some street urchins to the fast paced Crunchy nut.

"Bugger off you little sods... you should be home not on the streets at this time, making them look untidy..."

"But we're orphans sir, our parents all perish in the big milk flood of '42, we've no where to go.."

"Still bugger off you little nez-bits, Do I look like I care that they were water soluble, be off with you before I get you all thrown into the big milk bowl of London Town", with this Crunchy Nut hurried once more on his way muttering to himself .. Urchins....

Just as he started to fumble for his keys ... a strange sight began to appear before him....

The Knocker on his front door began to take on the texture of a bran based cereal... and started to talk to him....

mmmm..mmm... mmmm it said... it's mouth full of the ring of the knocker....

Hmmm thought Ebenezer, I must be seeing things for the lack of food... and dismissed the mumbling apparition.

----

Twenty minutes later Crunchy nut was sat in his favourite chair, his favourite meal at the ready, Fish fingers, washed down with Cola and a Sherbert Dib-Dab with Flying saucers for afters...

Just before he began to tuck into his third packet of flying saucers, the temperature dropped and wailing filled the air.....

Whoooo! Whoooo! Whoooooooooooooooooo! (Cough) (Cough)...

A blob of bluey cheesey stuff, began to form in his gaze....

"Marley Barnflake is that you?"

"Yes is me old friend, I've come to bring you an important message... change your ways.. or end up like me.. suffering in the after life...."... wailed the ghostly bran flake...

"Excuse me..." said Crunchy Nut, "What is that thing attached to you?"

"Well it's my bear to bear in the afterlife... you also have a bear it is a ponderous bear you have worked on it these long seven years. I have to drag it around with me everywhere, because of the way I acted when alive... but that is not what I have to tell you Crunch Nut.... Change your ways... or a bigger bear waits for you in the afterlife...."

"Ha" replied Crunchy nut. "That is a fate I can live with".

Marley Bran Flake stared back at him... "maybe you could cope with a big bear, but the warning is more to do with your ultimate demise... at the minute you have 3 choices, 2 of which are painful... at the stroke of 1 am, since it's now after midnight, the two of five ghosts will visit you..."

"Two, was there a sale on or something?"

"Actually yes, a bogof, five ectoplasmic ghosts for the price of three.... beware Ebenezer, this is your only warning...." and with that the ghost faded...

Ebenezer just stayed on his chair.... I'll have some more sweets.... but then the clock struck one...

"DONG"....the room grew cold once more and then before him stood 2 small ghostly visitors....

"Who are you two?"

"We are the ghost of christmas past, when families used to be happier and not so bound by consumerism... anyways come with us Ebenezzer.. walk towards this red book... for this was your life..."

Crunchy Nut couldn't help himself from going towards the book.... as he drew closer... the room began to change... a quick blur and then all of a sudden he was in an old nursery....

"Oh my frosties... Pater is that you?"

"he can't hear you replied the g-hosts, do you recognise where we are?"

"Yes this was my first christmas... I was barely a flake and there's my brother..."

we were so small... I remember it so clearly.. as it was that night my pater told us we were milk soluble and wouldn't achieve anything apart from being broke down in complex amino acids and then pooed out....... both of us were so scared, and then determined to avoid this fate... and it was that year pater bought us both laminated jackets"

"This was your first good thing you achieved to better yourself from other cereal... but it seems to have gone down hill from there.... as proved by out next trip...."

Again they ended up in the nursery (I've not got many sets....) here we see you with your nanny Mrs Honey.... just about to be fired by your pater, for filling your flakey head with dreams and wishes...

"It was that very night after she had packed her belongings, that me and Cecil said we'd do more with our flakey life..."

With that the room began to fade and once more they were back in the living room....

"Take heed, crunchy nut, the next set of ghosts will visit you at the last stroke of 2am"... and with that the ghosts of xmas past faded away...

Crunchy Nut slumbered in his chair.. it was five to 2.. Right he thought I'll have a piss before I get dragged away again...

As soon as he had shaked his tiddler, no more than 3 times after a jimmy riddle.. or it would be classed as time with lady palm and her five lovely daughters.. He return to the living room and jumped back into his chair.. blinked.. and found the ghosts in front of him....

"Wot Cheor... canny hoos ye 'ave... nowt like itin Byker Grove or toon".

"Who are you?" said a now very confused corn based flake...

"Whe?... we r the boggles of christmas present kidda!, right off to toon we go!"

As quick as a flash, they reappeared in the slum area of town...

"Aye, pet this is more like Byker Grove...."

"Where are we, and what is this place, it stinks like....rotten milk, mixed with a sewer outlet here?".

"Sorry kidda, about that, you shouldn't stand so close to Dec, his diet tends to affect everyone

This is the house of cherrio, not so full of cheer at the moment......

As they entered through the wall, they saw the house was filled with the sound of weeping.

"Dam those coco-pops from the work house, I can't believe that they took everything and left a pile of shit under the tree, they even took the Betamax, I thought that they may have left that, they even took all my collection of top of the pop's 78's bakerlite tubes, with the saucy maidens on the front.

And all the presents and the Percy piglet, I hope the sods choke on that chewy pink meal....

And the gits smashed the door in, there's matches everywhere, we're lucky that they only smeared poo about the place, they could have set lite to it instead.

What are we going to do now?"

Suddenly all the children ran in.....

"Mather, father come quick it's Tim he's gone into shock, one of the thieves snapped his crutch and left a saucer of milk next to his bed, he's in a right two and eight, cor blimey governer!"

There in the bed lay Half Tim, his face a picture of pure shock, the very thought of that lactic trap by the side of the bed had comatose the half cereal.

"Quick call the quack!"

The local doc soon came around, as soon as he saw the half cereal, he began to tut,

"I'm sorry mr cherrio but it looks like tim will not be wanting a hat to match his gloves next Christmas... Or socks or any woollen apparel for that matter"

"Why doctor Bran why?" ask Bob.

"Well his crispness has got to an all time low, and unless he wakes he'll just break apart further".

With this the doctor left, he had an emergency cesarian to perform on a corn flake...

The cheerio family stood quiet

"I guess we just have to wait till morning, lets all go and pray to the Cinamon Grahams for him just pull through".

The family then all got into the same bed, avoided the wet patch and all fell into a troubled sleep, with the first nasal snore the room went black, the crunchy found himself back in front of his fire.

"So that was cheerios home, what a sh*t hole, I'm surprised he doesn't stink of piss in the morning when he gets to work, and them kids of his should be sent to the Shreddies mines and made to work... but I do hope half tim pulls through, cause otherwise Bob will want a day off..."

"So ye didn't learn the lesson?, well lets hope the ghost of Christmas future can make you see the error of your ways....." and with this the two geordie ghosts disappear....

"I'm hungry after all this running around, lets have a refresher... mmm"

But before he could get one out.. the clock struck 3am... and now a new ghost stood in front of him....

What will cheerio do?, will half Tim pull through?, and which one of the Cheerio family will end up on the wet patch?.... dum dum dum dumdum

The end of Stave 2

A ghostly Cheerio of Xmas past Stave 1

It's the night before Christmas and all is still, nothing stirs not even a mouse, all apart from I Fester the Rabbit, Bearer of this Christmas tale ...

Hello reader and welcome to this Christmas ghostly tale.... I be Fester Rabbit, an unknown to you...for now...I'm the bearer of a tale of misfortune, dread and more dread, with a sprinkle of love..... but my tale is basically like Dickens Christmas Carol but using cereal... and using a glittery bouncing ball as one of the props.

I start my tale where it all seemingly began, but it wasn't the first love between two cereals... Here at the top of the stairs, round the back, in the none carpeted area... was where Chaz and Suzi loved, lived and lost. But unknown to them it wasn't the first time, it had happened once before but way back in the past, the area didn't always look like this.....

or this, we need to travel farther back.....gaze into my large glittery ball.....

Back to about here.... Christmas Eve 1843

Back to when it could have been a cold wintery Big Smoke street, here in the office of cereal accountants Marley Bran Flake (deceased) and Ebenezer Crunchy Nut and sat in the cold office..

is the lonely apprentice Bob Cheerio, hunched over his desk shivering.

"One hundred and one..." came the voice from the warm glowing office in the back.

Knock, knock,

"Excuse me sir, would it be fine for me to leave for the day, is gone past 11 it's almost Christmas day".

"Hobnobs & Humbugs" came the reply.

"I suppose so Bob, it will save me the price of a piece of coal, I'll see you tomorrow"

"But Sir it's Christmas Day, I was hoping to spend it with my family"

"mmmm Humbug! again it will save me the money so have it off, but you must work harder the following day".

"Thank you sir and Merry Christmas!"

"Humph! Humbug! now bugger off Cheerio!"

-

So off with glee did the Cheerio run, back to his matchstick box home and his rather large family.

"Finally Husband, where had you been" asked his good lady wife.

"Oh Mr Scrooge had a big account that needed balancing, a large group of painted Christmas plates depicting our lord Jesus and his band as cats had gone missing whilst being delivered to a few OAP's in Cricklewood... and a second batch had to be sent out via pigeon at the last minute, so the client was checking if they could be tax deductable, I couldn't say no, it was worth an extra farthing"

His good lady wife pecked him on his cheek and rolled her eyes.

"That Crunchy Nut, takes advantage of you Bob".

"Father, Father" came the noise from the other match box compartment and from it ran their 12.5 children...

"Hello, Chantelle, Charlotte, Charlie, Chuck, Charmaine, Chatwin, Chester, Chelsea, Cher, Cheryl, Chambell, Chloe and Tim, what are you still doing up at this time?".

"We're all waiting for Santa...., we've left out a pistashio nut shell for Rudolph and a mint for Santa, his breath must smell after all them pies and sherry, last year he did smell a little of wee...".

"Well you'd better be back off to bed, or else he'll not get here on time"

So off they went back to the threadbare bed....

"Good lady wife have you managed to go to the pennyworld shop and buy some presents?"

"I did good husband, but we must wrap up all tonight, I got our 3 pennys to spread as far as possible, I got:

Chantelle, the comedy Roleen Cooney stickon eyebrows and mustache.

Charlotte the Spices Fake bunion set.

Charlie, the Rayne Wooney top pump set,

Chuck, the Bavid Eh n' Ermm! fantasmagorical machine.

Charmaine, the Theyl Weedy's My first AAA book.

Chatwin, Manny Myers hard mans soap on a rope.

Chester, the Soe Jwash blow your own Kazoo

Chelsea, the Over Price doll.

Cher, Kerry Cat-tonies One Trick Pony Kit.

Cheryl, Bordon Growns' Mumble Grumble Tin Can.

Chambell, The Half a Pence saggin' set.

Chloe, Wayne Kest's comedy false teeth.

and Tim didn't want any tat, just a new pair of gloves.

And I just had enough to get us fuel for all winter, they had copies of Bussell Rands Booky Wooky, as many as you want for free and it worked out cheaper than buying firewood, I've got 800 in the yard... and another delivery of 1500 coming Tuesday..
but I'm afraid after all that I bought our Christmas dinner may not be nutritional enough for our needs, but I did manage to get one Percy Piglets for all the family Xmas Dinner.

..... but we have nothing left. The piglet will have to last a while.... we have such a large family because TV hasn't been invented yet or Johnnies and we are catholic, I worry so for Half Tim after his accident with that drop of milk you know how fragile he is.."

"It will be fine good wife now lets get on with the wrapping"


But things weren't so pleasant in the crunchy nut house hold..... (Onward to Stave 2)

a little too close...

Well after reading AKH blog regarding the 11th of the November, sacrifices made by the soldiers, granting this freedom we have today and that I've not had to suffer the true horrors of war, but I've been pretty close... and at times so has my dad...

Back when I was younger in the 80's, my father got made redundant and we moved abroad.

It took some time for me to get used to a foreign land, the language (I couldn't understand the TV, but would that bother a kid of 6?), the heat, people and there customs... and the poverty..

But unlike Blighty at the time, danger could just be around the corner, earthquakes were quite regular, dicing with deadly traffic, but slightly more worrying was that the country had a small dangerous faction, they blew up pylons, kidnapped (this was after we left) and killed.

The power cuts became a thing of fun sometimes... mainly because it was barbeque time! My dad had found a grill and we became well prepared. Sometimes we had them while out at the ex-pat cricket club. A familiar BOOM! would be heard in the distance, sometimes it was close enough to see the night light up... then lights out... torches ... and a dark ride home.

My close call came not so long after we'd arrived in the country.

My family had moved into what became our permanent home, in a district not too far from the centre of the city. I'd been enrolled in the school set up by ex-pats and only just started going there. To get to school I was picked up by a woman in a VW camper van, along with about another 10 kids, some older, some the same age... this was my bus, (health and safety would have had a field day).

The start of the day was like many that followed, lessons, break etc etc... but then things took a drastic turn..

GRAB YOUR BAG AND STUFF! and follow the rest of the children onto the playing fields.

Off we rushed to sit in anxious rows, all crossed legged, like a morning meeting...

I had no clue about what to do, I'd only been at the school a short time, barely knew anyone or recognizsed my lift, next thing I knew I was plucked out of the crowd and with our small gang piled onto the VW bus a little earlier than usual... unaware of why.

I did hear later why, but this could have been a rumour, but apparently a bomb had been planted at the school, in the older boys drinking fountain... but like I said I don't know if this was true or not...

But it was a little to close for comfort, I did hear that after we left there was a small spate of European looking people, stuck in a traffic jam hearing a tap on the window, then being taken at gun point from their cars...

So it looks like we came back at the right time...

Chaz.. Chaz where for out thou Chaz...

Forsooth my fine fleshy followers, it is I once more Chaz, the cheerio of contemplation...

An age seem to have past since I last scribed.... indeed the very motion of my being has not been enlightened for such a time...

I did reside at the top of the fire exit stairs, the king of all I see, with my loyal subjects still beside me..

But alas there has been no forth coming solution to the problem of previous... I still weep for my true love... as she lays in Boris-le-eight-legs's web .. how sad the passage of time 'tis!

This fair and young gentle sugarpuff, should mournfully live, trapped in a web of fear...

And I languished in hope of her very return to our humble contingent.....to press her against my bosom once more... as it nearly is 'the season to be jolly'

By blood and virtue, I want to get my desires and holy wishes.. I released the Pistachio Shells of War... armed with the mighty shield of Pantone 721... my warth knew not such a peaceful end...

I wished her bright radiance returned... so I can be comforted.. with every line and trick of her sweet favour.

In her absent, non have took her place, apart from the brief flirtation with the picture of Lady Kelly Brook... my eye has not wander, cept to the place where she rests...

It's a tragedy, tragedy!.... my heart it screams!

The eagerness of the heart, dashed apon the rocks, by the reality of the world!

The fire burned within me no longer quenched by your love...

But we are bound... to be together again in some other time and place...

Our fates have all been sealed... and alas we have suffered the same demise... for we are no longer...

Tis the work possible of a cereal killer, perhaps the Honey Monster or Tony the Tiger, the Dastardley deeds of Snap Crackle and Pop... the Burke and Hare of the crunchy variety..

Alas no... goodbye cruel world.. hello once again my true love....we meet once more

Long Forgotten Messages...

I got this idea from a fellow blogger... AKH

What comes to your mind about messages or names, written inside books or lost notes within records and on their sleeves?.

Messages of hope, congratulations, friendship, the future, pride, but most of all love, scribed in books everywhere, all to strangers who's possessions are now someone else's....

I do wonder whether they were thrown out in the heat of the moment or ended up mistakenly in the charity shop, junk sale or car boot or their owners time on this earth has reached it's natural end...

Now I enjoy finding these lost messages and after learning last night, books do have a shelf life, because the pages are breaking down into acid and will one day turn to dust, so the older the message the better.

But along with these forgot messages, creating their own story within the pages of the book, there be further stories... hidden in the seams.. crib notes and forgotten bookmarks, each personal to the previous owner.

What ever was to hand, used to mark a page.. old tickets, receipts, photos anything that could act as a reminder...

Admitedly that I'm pretty materialistic about things... but in a good way... I see it's value, it's production and it's worth... I treasure it in a way, be it small, be it seemingly worthless to most.

And I do see books as a thing of power and learning, with what they contain and when you see them in numbers...

I treasure old books the most, the effort that went into some of the illustrations, the typesetting which would have been done by hand... everything about them skilled and honed to produce tomes of quality and worth, lasting more than a lifetime...

But each book can contain memories as well.. places they where bought, been and company.

(There was a thing a while back where people left books in the back of Taxi's to venture off with a new owner, until they left it in another Taxi)..

I've a book full of memories.. I've have been reading for a while... a while as in a good 8 years.. (after all it is the Odyssey by Homer), I can recall where I got it, Longridge near Preston and hidden inside it is a receipt from where I use to read it.. a deli in Chorlton, every morning I'd go in, to savour the atmosphere and the company... and more specifically the name Lizzy on the receipt, is another reminder of a old attraction....

So what will happen next to all my books?.. some with messages inside to me... will they pass on to my family and stay with them or will they pass on once more to strangers... and will they care for them in the same manner...

by giving a old tome a new home?

Catching up with the past.... any photos?...

Well this last weekend was a weird but good one.... I did a bit of time traveling... back to 1999... and partied like it was....1999,

back to near the pub (below) where I used to work behind the bar for 3 years...

It now lies derelict, unloved and unused ... a tragic victim of the smoking ban and cost of alcohol....

I remember going in through the doors many a time, to be warmly greeted by punters and friends alike even a good year after leaving its smoke filled rooms....

But that all changed, the last night I was in there was the best part of 11 years ago, at halloween.

How do I remember ... well I lent someone my previous halloween costume... that of a zombie, basically a raggy suit.. and dirty shirt...

I lent it to one of the current members of staff, (after a quick trip home as petrol was cheaper back then)... said my goodbyes at the end of the evening as normal, attended one of my colleagues wedding... and then disappeared into the ether... I seemed to have just cut them off... they still had my number.. but none called...

They weren't the only one's.. another part of the same group... I attended an after Ann Summers party... stayed till the following Sunday morning... and then vanished...

I often wondered what was going on in this friendly group I seemed to have so readily left... one of close friendships and a fun times guaranteed... but each of them would have involved drinking heavily no doubt at some stage, (which I wasn't that great at, but was quite good).... and also maybe it was me that had to change and get out of this routine...

I went back after an invite from an old friend W.

I've known W since I was 17, him being 21, both of us worked in the same factory in my native town. I'd come from a training scheme just up the road and joined this draconian workplace. Clocking in each morning, and repeating the same routine for the best part of 4 years, until the day someone said.. "If I could draw like that, I'd not be here"... so 6 months later... I wasn't.

There was a load of good times, the camaraderie that this factory contained, has never been equaled. Fridays would roll around and we'd all head into town to and go out for the evening, doing a 6pm till 2am, as this was the time that clubs shut, then onto the all night snooker rooms, followed by the sobering walk home (which were an adventure of their own)... Sometimes though a trip elsewhere came about, Blackpool, Alton Towers or horse racing....

But with it being the early 90's having a camera was a rare or a girls thing...so there are very few pictures (mostly odd angles)... but if you was lucky enough, there was the odd few on pub wall montages, including ones of family.... but as with many of these times, they are not physically recorded for posterity, they are simply remembered by the grey matter in my head, all be it a little foggy at times...

We had many nights of the same old thing of doing the pub run into town at least 3, just into town... 4 or so in the town centre, eventually ending up in this ruff biker pub.... upstairs, before we proceeded off to our 2 night clubs....

Also in the past on a night out, I had to dress more conservative, sometimes in a full suit, as it was the policy of nearly all the nightclubs not to let you wearing anything but shirt pants and shoes.... so as said before many of these times are not recorded....

So this was my life for a few years, (that many of my current friends know nothing about)....... even when I returned from college, with too much hair, (W used to grumble), I'd do an odd stint behind the bar... before getting invited round to W's new years parties... (it was also nice that I had a crush on his younger sister L for years, who I must admit looked as nice this weekend). Then once in a while ending up on the floor a little worse for wear...

But then come, the dawn of the new century all this changed, I too them just disappeared one day... not to be heard of till bookface rejoined us together.... which I'm so glad it did...

So after this reunited time at W's 40th doo, falling off the wagon of my self imposed exile on booze, getting to walk through the door and immediately getting recognised as if I'd not been away for a decade.. seeing some familiar faces I'd missed.. some not having changed... it was great and a fantastic evening followed...

But it did make me realise some of the best bits I did walk away from, even W came out with somethings we used to do..... in the end it showed what it really matters some true friendships that will always be there, easy to be rekindled by a simple appearance...

and there was always W's sister .. ha ha... (who after nearly 18 years I got to have a good laugh with, learning she's just like she used to be, clever and attractive and another great friend and I'm still on her kitchen wall montage..)

And as a final note... I did forget my camera.... damm it...!

A trip to Alton Towers, Wet and Fun... One Eye, L, W and Me about 1995