Rosy tinted glasses...

Ok so I've not posted in ages, but tonight after a good night out and alcohol.. I feel the need for a bit of a rant.

So what has caused this...

Well in my previous blogs I've mentioned a woman who shattered my heart.. Now divorced from her husband and I've had no contact with for 2 years, after a last message didn't even warrant 2 seconds to say no to..

Throughout the last 2 years I have been tempted and at times failed in self control and ended up checking on her welfare, and goings on... Seemingly, my lack of communication caused no response or action on her part.. For me it has borne countless sleepless nights and frustration, coupled with anger.

Tonight I was tempted and looked apon some things she had posted, apart from a picture of her looking beautiful, there are many of her and here new man, but a recent post about losing friends... Almost perfectly timed to the last communication...

It stated about losing friends and when she split from her husband, ones she thought were proper friends, showed their true colours and abandoned her when times got tough... Ones who would have done anything, now are not there and how her new fella has been there these last seven years...

Ha, I thought, I offered all this at the time, but all I got was rebuked, I was there, I loved her like there was no tomorrow, I would have done anything for her and since our thing 8 years ago and would have been there forever, but 2 years ago I was, as it seems happily abandoned.

I'd like to think I had the guts to write to her now, but I can't, as she holds so much power over me still, it's not a bad thing, but all the emotion I put in, would be wasted in a letter or anything else and after her rose tinted view of things, what would be the point, yet more waste...

I've learnt a lot about things since me and her, but once things went wrong.. The trail always lead back.. At the moment I can't help but boil with frustration, at the way I now know I was treated for my selflessness putting her first...even now..

This is one cross I cannot bear, the anger at having feelings still for her and the way I have been treated.  It's truthfully not about me, as I'm not like that, is more as what it has become, my happiness it glad she is so, but on the same level annoyed that I feel I have been bundled into this bunch of former friends who have to shoulder some blame... 

So if RJB ever see this... Take a look back.. Something else was broken beyond a friendship and it wasn't by this party...

The lost art of losing.

I thought of this topic a while back, around the beginning of October, but like anything at the min, I have to find inspiration.. Sometimes it hits me at odd times and the inclination has to be followed.

So losing, being a loser in life at times, I can comprehend the art of it, and acceptance plays a big part.  As a kid I wasn't blessed with great athlectic ability or anything of merit, except the willingness to try hard and do the best I can, which has stuck with me.

These days some of my best is apparently great, but I don't really like praise, as in such a fast moving world, it sounds hollow, my prerogative is, if you can do it, it's not worthy of praise.

It's like people calling me a star and mentioning how great I am for doing such a task.. Hollow once it's been said.. But I know this is just me, I don't like getting things wrong and also I see it as a challenge to overcome.. As if I don't managed or achieve it, it irks me for ages.. Like tonight I've forgot to be somewhere.  Whether this is a product of the week, that I have forgotten what day and date it was.. It's irritating that I've failed in this endeavour, there is nothing I can do about this of course, but my brain won't accept that for a few hours or perhaps a week.

But enough about me, what of the adults of the future.. The kids of today... Self needy, shallow and all in all the inheritors of the earth.

What made me think about the topic, even though it was in the swirl of my mind anyway, was a child at a recent party...

A lot of times I've let some comments just dissolve into the ether, but the odd ones stick, like a bit of cling film...

What this particular child said was 'but I've not had a turn/won'... During a game of pass the parcel.
Back in my day, the joy of just getting to rip off one layer of paper was enough, now though, there is a small prize in each layer and enough layers for each kid.

It's scares me that this is encouraged, everyone has to win... Nobody loses.. But they lose even more because they are not learning about losing, building them up with a fake confidence and unreal bravado.

I'm all for praising a child on it's achievements and encouraging them to be better, try harder and be good, punish them when they do wrong, but it seems my feelings on this are some what draconian... As I do think a slap on the legs or backside, is a suitable, remember able thing to do.  As it makes anyone think.. I'll not do that again.  Talking may work in some instances, but I also do believe a threat is enough and a very last resort would I use a slap.

Now though we are surrounded by the stupid, after all this hollow praise and lack of any kind of losing or punishment, they've made them feel invincible and untouchable and a complete lack of respect for other people.... Claiming money constantly for their own mistakes, turning the human race into a human destination, a frightening prospect made real.  It's seen in schools, by the police and by the parents, their little darlings have turned into shits, or on tv.. X-factor for sure has contributed in bringing and creating more idiots in society.

Yes I know I maybe being a bit harsh, but after so many years of all this pc nonsense, it starting to erode society like a high grade sandpaper, whittling it away till society consists of a people who can't tie their own shoes and need to have an instruction mannual for a hammer.

Other people are beginning to see it too.. And in the harshes terms have mentioned we need a new plague... To rid us of idiots and thugs.

Unfortunately this will continue for a while.. proved by a couple I know... their child stands no chance of breaking the cycle.

Kids can't lose ... only the world..

The boredom beard.

What is the boredom beard?

What you think a beard will look like..

Well I can just about answer that.. in the first instant, I'm not the best for growing facial hair... took me till I was over 21, to have something to actually shave off.. and my monthly growth still only looks like less than a week on a normal person..

My boredom beard has made an appearance before, but not as long as it has this time..

I tend to grow it when basically I'm bored with everything, life, friends, car, job, shaving and breathing... absolutely everything.. this kind of boredom starts when all you have to get up for each day is your job.. and that's it..

I could entertain myself for a little while but I can't lose myself in a fictional world, cause the trip back to reality is ever that harder...

What it really looks like!

Now everyone has times when they are down, mine can hit me hard... (See blog chasing the white whale..)

The first time it came about was about 10 years ago... again I was stuck slightly in a rut..
I'd just come back from abroad and was living in a flat with my mate, who at the time also just needed me to help pay the rent and treated me in such away at times too

He was going through his own issues, but got very selfish at times about them... never really seeing my side....

I must admit there was some good times and I remember both.

The flat we were in was a downstairs apartment on a newly built/unfinished apartment block (still wasn't finished over a year later), the previous tennants, had made the place reek of curry, which always hung around... and in what became my room, due to the acoustics of the whole building, I could hear the tennant 2 floors above taking a wee, right next to my head... how loud it was made me imagine he was about eleven foot high.. aiming from such a height made it as loud as it was on any given morning.. and grant him he was very regular..

But this was not the only problem, a spate of abandoned cars appeared in the carpark, which chavs and skallies used to drive about in and they regularly smoked right next to my window...

So being between jobs I was in most of the day, some change coming from visiting the deli on the corner for a coffee and a read and to get a smile from the lovely Lizze.. whose face escapes me now..

So in total there wasn't much going on and I was at one of my lowest points in my adult life..

But in this dark arena which was my life.. a light was soon to appear.. in the form of an internet relationship... that modern version of romance..

It all began from staying up late, since my day didn't have much in it... and all generally went swimmingly, apart from the times someone was selfish and I lost internet connection...

So soon after this the first boredom beard was cast from my face.. and flushed down the drain..

But 10 years later here I am with a hairy face.. it does distract me from my annoyance and vague unhappiness, which fills my day...only there is no light in the darkened arena this time, everything now is just done because of routine...

Whether I have reach the natural point in life where things should be full of family and kid things..
(I still have parents and my sister and niece and nephew)  but being neither married or a father and mostly having only my own company... I think the situation doesn't know what to do.. and just becomes a void..

Everything is mixed and mashed up... I've not really had a clear feeling in a while.. mostly they have blended together, so routine can continue and appear normal.. A friend actually suggested drugs to help take the edge off a bit back...

What my future holds?

I'm lost in my hopelessness unable to change my situation.. because I don't have the knowledge too either... a catch 22!... but the beard helps normalize things a little.. but without anything clear..

How long will the beard remain?...

Let the looting of memories of yesterday commece part 2

So here comes part 2, hopefully with a bit more flourish than the first.

As I take my seat in the second tier of the gods, my experience has already commenced, in the choosing of my seat.  I find it quickly.. No chance of being blocked by someone in front...and probably the best one for the acoustics also.. 

All the seats share only one thing, they are all covered in a formerly plush red material and spring sprung. This helps in making it squeaky and seemly alive, as you wiggle to get comfortable..

So I spread out into the two seats next too me, whilst watching everyone else enter.

The film tonight is a classic, well to me it is 'Raiders of the lost ark', so the audience is quite varied, families, couples and a smattering of geeks, likes myself.

The beginning, unlike it's more commercial larger sibling, it's more of a sedate affair.  There are adverts for upcoming movies, products they claim you should own, even though you don't need them and it's own set of adverts, for plays, local amateur film shows..and unusually this time, considering the audience having children in it, the previews were quite gory.. Filled with my favourite other movie thing zombies... But after this is where the usual is broken...

The lights dim, the curtains open, open the Revels and flick open the can of pop... so rather than a quick blur into the feature film, a classic Pathe news comes on screen..Straight from yesteryear, something topical and informative of the time.

I love these things, coming from an century just past, one where more discoveries and knowledge had been achieved than ever before.  Having experience the pleasure of the Plaza before, I knew this was norm here.

So on screen a large than life magicians assistant appears sat on a golden chicken, looking quite saucy and alluring, winking at you just before filling your brain with something fun....

So what piece of past is share this time,

SCRAP SCRAP SCRAP!... The booming voice rings out...

'Once the pride and joy of someone, or a showroom model, they have lost their shine, no longer the gleaming brand new model...... They have taken final journey to here!...'

And so begins the information download and visual feast, images of cars burnt, broken and being crushed in big machines, with burly looking men hitting them with sledge hammers, crow bars, breaking the cars apart, all for their metal to be reused.

Reused into what the brain asks... 

'possibly the metal could make these matchbox cars'.. Booms the voice..and so begins a short story on matchbox cars...

MATCHBOX CARS

Click to watch...

I've always had an connection to matchbox cars, due to my father, who has collected them for years, (possibly where  I get my collecting or hoarding gene from).  But back to the information.. The news carried on about the cars... Their gleaming small forms coming along the production line, but what is this, the car in front of me is the very first matchbox my father bought, he can recalled where it was and when, and no doubt will tell his grandchildren (if I ever have chance)... With my eyes and attention on firmly on the screen.. I absorb more info...

What's the next info blast?.... Look at these ...SWORDS...booms the voice... 

'This is not a medieval times.. So what is this facination with these ancient weapons of war?'

Cut to a suited man admiring his shiny sword...and many more on his wall.

How did it go from toy cars to swords?... Tenuous link that both are collected as a hobby...

So now the info rolls on.. Showing how the are cast.. Shaped and made.. Now it has to go into hot molten lead.... Cut to a man, in a brown overcoat, one like I used to wear in CDT in school, and bare hands... No health and safety bollocks in back in this day... Splashing the part made sword into the boiling hot lead, his hands blackened and huge dirty finger nails clasping the blade... 

Then cut to further scenes of polishing, painting and adding the ornate handle... Again the voice booms out, about the skills to finish the sword, cut back to the suited man and his armoury .. These will bring joy for years... Fade to black..

Then back to the sexy magicians assistant.. And the end of the Pathe news.. Lights on curtains close..

This is why it's so much better than a bigger cinema..the use of an old Pathe  news complements the wonder and helps the excitement build, by containing something personal to me or anyone else present...along with it's use of an authorities voice and what topics it discusses and blends together..

Bringing a random piece of nostalgia into the new century..Showing when great was in front of Britain. 

Is this what the bigger brother lacks?, this friendliness or sense of belonging like this show is just for you....or is it because you're not herded in with your over priced popcorn and sweaty hotdog, then left forgotten in the dark till the end?

But back to the Plaza..

So what now... 

Albatross, get your albatross..

Up step a couple of the volunteers and stand at the front and selling ice cream, from a tray around their necks... And the Wurlitzer raises again...

Show tunes are given the Wurlitzer treatment again in this interval, the familiar Jurassic Park theme music fills the ears... Ironical it sounds like most John Williams compositions..

But then begins the anthem... The one my head hears when i'm ever exploring or having an adventure...The Indy Jones tune... With this the ice creams sellers disappear and the Wurlitzer signs off to a triumphant finish and disappears again to a round of applause..

Now when do things like this happen in the larger cinemas?... It did happen once in 1999.. At the premier of Starwars episode 1...

Which is probably the last time I was more than just excited to see the film, the atmosphere was charged, but the Plaza manages to do it with every film, with it's unique take... It doesn't just act like a souless big Tv screen.. 

From there on in I'm immersed in one of my most favourtie movies, seeing all the mistakes and gaff's (easier to see on the large screen), wanting to be this adventurer, beating and outsmarting not just all evil doers, the most evil of the lot the nazi's....and getting the girl...

Then the final shot of the ark being pushed into a large warehouse.. Not just any warehouse, a glass painting.. The painting of which is one of the amazing skills now lost to the digital age.. (I know a lot about these films and their special effects).

So after all the fun had been had, the credits roll... But one more thing at the end of the performance you have to stand for the Queen...

The national anthem plays out to the image of lots of mounted guards and then a picture of the queen in her younger days, sat admiring the guards with a smile on her young face..

And with that it' good night mam'...god bless her..!

The end... But not for the Plaza... The Shining is next.. Red rum.. Here's Johnny!

Let the looting of memories of yesterday commece.

Well it's been a while since anything has made me want to write, but here goes...(and also blogger now works on an iPad)

What has made me want to blog, a simple trip to the cinema, not any cinema, but a proper cinema.

One where the sense of wonder and awe has not been lost to the over packed and over priced 'front room'.

The place is The Plaza in Stockport.  Built in the 1930's and one of the only surviving cinemas of it's kind.

I'd been before and kind of knew what experience awaited. What made me think this time, I was alone and having recently been to the 'big local cinema' to see a film I wanted to see on my own also, I compared the differences.

The big cinema, walk in through automatic doors, pay at the till, all the workers dressing in bright colours and dark pants, up the escalator, over priced food, then into the cavernous room, comfortable seats, which you could fall asleep in, sticky floor, film, end then leave.  But stuck in the carpark, due to ignorance and foolish people.

Mostly a soulless experience

The Plaza experience is completely different.

Firstly I can walk freely to the Plaza, as being built in the age it was access was only by foot or bus to the town centre.

Drawing close, you can see the top over the A6, it's neon green and red, bright in the sky atop of one of the tallest building around (unfortunately at the min the z and a are broken, but it doesn't dull the experience, I nearly walked in front of a bus in my eagerness to get there).

It's not a faceless building, like it's newer sibling, it stands tall and white, containing it's wonder and glory.  The whole design drips in nostalgia and beauty of one of the beautiful ages of man, that of art deco.

The wooden, glass door, angled and etch simply to form a piece of art itself, the shiny furniture sparkling from every edge, then it is opened by a man dress in a black suit and bow tie, greeting you with a friendly 'good evening'.  The lobby is dressed in wood panelling, the old box office, like a big fish tank in the middle, two sets of beautiful doors lead off from the left and right.
The small gathering point has more contains  double doors into the lower seats, the right side a small confectionery counter, which is manned by more smartly dress people and reasonably priced too.

From here you can go to the gods, the stairs seem to go up and up, never ending, one thing that would add to the experience, classic movie posters, at the top another suited and booted volunteer takes your ticket and guides you to the auditorium.  Once the seal is broken, the sound of the Wurlitzer fills the air and round the next corner you enter the lavishly decorated cavern, the the endless stairs have brought you too.

The interior opens out, like a cave, immersing you in neon light, architecture and show tunes on the Wurlitzer, a glory to all senses... Let the show commence...

Onward to part 2.... (When it's done)..

Old love tokens... What happens to old love tokens?

Do they now grace the shelves of charity shops, rest within dusty top boxes, or still have a loving place on the mantle piece or desk.

I've bought or made many in my time for the likes of Emma Dickinson, Susan Abbot, Susie Firth, Rebbecca Hewitt, Angela Smith, Bobbie Joe, Michelle Fenton, Bev and more recently Andrea Critchley, ZP, Bubbles, NC, becky two and probably more.

Teddy bears of all shapes and sizes, which declared all manner of things apon their chests, flowers, cd's, broaches, perfume, a wooden horse and a rubber duck.

But what fate have all these things had, many of the older ones have probably long since had a trip to the local tip, after a brief stay on a British heart foundation, or help the aged or as league of gentleman used to say "give it to the spas***s, they'll take anything?"

Well I don't know what has happened to the many I seemed to have given out, but I do know the fate of the very few, the newest one in fact that I've received, I have had very few.

It's unfortunate that this fate fell apon this token, I was fairly fond of it and amazed that it had not decided to die earlier.

The thing in question was a small bonsai tree, bought for me by the lovely NC.
Not many people surprise me these days, but with this gift she did.

At first I watered it regularly and always wondered why it was dry... Of course after a few leaves had fallen off.. But I found the reason shortly, a hole in the pot, face slap!

But once this was remedied, the tree grew wild happily, I didn't trim it, I let the tree take what ever course it wanted, a bit like the relationship with NC.

It was a strange doo, I'd previously worked with NC, and only lived around the corner from me, but her job was the priority, so eventually she made the decision and choose the job over me... I had less of a say in this than the bonsai.

So I was left with the tree, which sat happily above my Tv... Going it's own wild way.
I did put it in the sunlight once, but it just withered, so back in the shade it prospered.
Somewhat like me, always in the background, busying away.

But then it hit the second autumn, it's little leaves began to fall, unfortunately for the last time. I kept hoping that it would suddenly sprout back to life after a few months..

But alas it seemed to be mirroring some of my dreams, wanting the bearer too reappear on my door step.. To rekindle what was lost.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The Evil Radioactive Egg!

COMING SOON TO A BLOG NEAR YOU!

WATCH THIS SPACE... AS EASTER IS NO LONGER SAFE!

We're Wide Awake it's good to know.. get set lets go...

Well it's been a bit since my normal blogging... the Christmas special took it out of me... and as usual I don't know what to write about...

So what now... it has kept me awake wondering... but then I thought I suppose that's an idea....

So lack of sleep, either intentional or not, is it fun or not?

In a previous blog I've mentioned about being lost in Transience last year... where I had to stay up, so that I could get home... but there have been other times, where the day has past twice for me... and here are a few.... maybe boring sorry...

Just before the turn of the new century, me and my best friend B journeyed over to Ibiza on an 18-30's holiday, we partied hard and sometimes till the early hours... (I waited till 6am for a foam party.. was worth it...). Once only being blind drunk and doing my walk.... my sense of direction not failing me....it has only once...

But when the second too last day rolled up and we had to leave the apartment at 10am.. but the flight was not till 6.30am the following morning... and this was to be a long, long day....

We hung around for ages with the suitcases, morning turning into afternoon, afternoon till evening and then eventually morning again... the coach arrived and ferried us into the already packed airport, queues to go and queues arriving, packed onto the just vacated coaches... the queue took ages to move.. enough time for me to get the courage up to ask the girl in front if she needed help, but now it was nearly the end of the queue.. and she said no.

The journey back was non discript, packed in like animals and one seat from the alley.... but I did have a dodgy stomach (don't eat boiled chicken abroad), so I was up every hour.. so sleep was not an easy thing to get.

Back in blighty, B offered for me to stay over, but through some disagreement, I got in my car and drove off, which wasn't the best idea.... as I discovered further down the motorway, I kept having to shake the cobwebs from my head.... after an age I arrived home and flaked out... feeling drained and not at all happy... but this was not always the case with staying Awake......

------ 2nd Time...

A few years ago.... I had the most euphoric experience of my life, one which still has the same effect on me now when I think about it....

I was far away from home and work, a new chapter just beginning when this life changing moment came, I didn't realised how good and bad my next year was going to be... but what started it off on a high was.... I got told I was missed by someone beautiful and special to me...

And then from that moment onwards (about 8pm, 24th of Aug) I was too excited to sleep, as if it would make me miss something... but for the next few hours (till 4am) things continued to be like the perfect start to something new....

I languished awake waiting for the next thrilling installment... hiding when the owner of the flat came through early in the morning... my eyes filled already with sleep.... but that wasn't the end of my first day... I still had to drive home and a long one that was to be... my companion finding sleep next to me, as she always did traveling, me I had the monotony of the open road ahead of me, a van full of stuff and a distant radio... but salvation was at hand...my brain was filled to breaking point with euphoria...

The rest of the day was a blur of unpacking, shifting and tidying... but once that was done, a quick trip to Tesco's...

By now it was just creeping up to the 24 hour mark, the feeling not receding, merely getting topped up by the contact.... I felt like I was floating whilst shopping.. barely sensing anything around me.... this continued that night also, but some sleep crossed my eyes... not much in 48 hours I had less than 5 hours decent sleep... but would I have changed this.. nope... not for anything....

------------ 3rd time.

My more recent experience was on holiday last year, ahead of me was a journey of 540miles as a passenger in a car. We set off in good time, the shifts all worked out of who was to be driving at the time, B.E was first so she could get used to the large vehicle, then her husband 'Leadfoot', (Nice guy, tad boring at times, but has a huge lead foot... he can cut journey times in half, but the element of possibly dying in a crash... up ten fold).

So for the first part the journey was just like any other, countless cars passing by the window, familiar sites up to my old haunt of Carlisle, then into the beautiful hills and mountains of Scotland. All this was fine, motorways helping us cut up the miles and B.E being pregnant we had to make regular stops.. then the night came in....

Soon we where in the motorway free highlands of Scotland, dark winding roads, cars becoming fewer and places to stop also, I just carried looking at the scenery and talking to T.

Anything was subject matter, over the low radio, our other two passengers asleep in the back... odd glimpses on wildlife in the headlights, calmly going about their business...

I did try to close my eyes at times, but maybe for the fact I was going on holiday for the first time in years... I was excited. Forests went by... mountains and as mentioned wildlife.... the road slowly snaking towards out ferry terminal.... which we pulled up in good time... just to see some of the locals falling out of the club in the town... once parked up, G realised he had read the times of the ferry wrong, so we nearly 6 hours early so then it was bunk down in the car... but not for me!...

I was still keeping the sandman at bay... my ipod, psp entertaining me... but as dawns fingers slowly crawled across the sky, I left the car and had a quick walk around the port, trying to take pictures in the twilight, with my legs stretched and my fellow travelers, we drove round the town and tried and find a garage or somewhere open. But after a quick tour of the place, which we'd only really seen close down the night before... nothing was open, so back to port and wait for the cafe to open it's doors... around 7.30am, which was just before my 24hr mark...

The cafe opened and it must have been quite a rush that early in the morning, people actually hanging around the doors on a Saturday.... so a breakfast was consumed... and much to the annoyance of my sleepy fellow passengers, I was still rather chipper... full of energy... and grinning like mad...

Nine am rolled in and we rolled onto the ferry.... hour an half later, the shores of Orkney welcomed us.... we quickly found our lodgings and the boat for the diving.... sorted out loading the equipment... still which happily lodged itself in my memory... but it around this time that my brain started to blur everything into a big stream of actions...

I remember shopping for supplies and a quick tour around the town, our other companions arriving... and from then on the drinking began, slow but steady in the local... trapping and killing the troublesome wasps and flies... but then it hit me like a tidal wave.... I began to flag at an alarming rate

After boasting to everyone about my lack of sleep, I had to go... so just as the 36 hour mark hit... I was in bed, light still outside and friends still drinking... but I was glad to find rest now... before the sleepless nights of my companions snoring....

-----------

So till the next time I either have a choice about staying awake, one thing I have learnt is when it's through circumstance rather than choice.... it a lot better.... Bubbles proved that ....

Fashion turn left Fashion Turn left and naughty boys

Now men generally don't like shopping, it seems all done by the girlfriend or her in doors, including the purchase of his underwear...

Me, I enjoy it strangely, at least I participate well, have to since a lot of my friends of girls, but as well since I'm very single.. I have to do it...

I point and nod, suggest and basically like ever other bloke trail round after the female, with handbags, draped coat and all other shopping bags, but I do check out other clothes.

Maybe this is part due to my father working in textiles and as a kid I sometimes had the opportunity to go into the factory and check out the fresh new material before it had been cut into shapes... or the many samples he brought home, being told what they were made of, fake or natural etc etc.

I didn't really pick up much on the names or the certain type of weave, my dads a 4th generation textile man and along with my grandpa, what they don't know could probably be written on a postage stamp, me I took a different direction....

But back to the shopping, after a while it is done, but as ever with big outlets comes the big queue... so my male brain takes over, I go and wait, with the rest of the days purchases.

I wander over to the only place with seating... outside the changing rooms.

It already looks like a gather place for males, sat while their mate tries a huge rack of clothes.

Seems that the male of the species, gets more defiant with age at shopping with their mate, this does depend on the size and of type of store.. in a recent "bargin" outlet just by the arrangement of shoes, sat what can only be described as a sea of pulled up chinos, like an aging Simon Cowell fan club... I wanted to try on some of the shoes... but most of the seats had an arse parked on it for over 20mins and had no intention of shifting...

In this area of seating, we all look like naughty kids waiting to see the headmaster at school, trying hard to distract ourselves.

Some sit head in hands probably wondering how they are to pay for the new in coat, others just look bored, thumb twidderling, picking their nose or nails and picking invisible lint off their clothes.

There are magazines to read, but not the kind that will fill the mind with fun and laughter, no a baby magazine, full of all sorts of things for babies, from the first dummy they suck to the nikey branded pants they will poo in.

The other a typical fashion magazines, with skinny people in, or the good looking flawless males and females, drapped in fashions that will never fit me, you or the normal types.

So where do we as males escape to in these times?.. thanks to smart phones, it's all head down to look at a small screen, blanking our minds to the "real life", searching for cat videos and any people hurting themselves... but as we find out some department stores don't have very good reception, so the distraction doesn't last long....

And soon it's purchases paid, american express will do nicely thank you... and off to the next shop to repeat the same process...

One day all shops will have a men area as well as a kiddy area, big tv's showing re-runs of micheala strackens boundless energy or nigella lawson's ample bossom or sarah beeneys or linda carters wonder woman, along with a big ball pit and slide...

.. I just hope I'm claimed at the end...

A ghostly Cheerio of Xmas past Stave 3

So the final part is apon us... and what will happen in the cliff hanger ending we had in Stave 2......

So once more and for the final time stare into my bouncing ball and gaze with wonder into past events......

Where did we leave it... oh yes Crunchy Nut had just been introduced to the Ghost of the future...

So who Are You?

But not a whisper came from the mouth of the Ghost in front of him...

So you are going to show me the course I could take, and according to the first two I have 3 options, each with an outcome... I've seen the past and the present but why should I worry about what might be.... I'm rich, and fairly content with what I have....

The Ghost then muttered..."3 fates".

First....

AHHHHHHHHHHH!..... Screamed Crunchy Nut....... as soon as the jaws snapped... he was back in his chair.....

"that wasn't so bad... really", he said with a quiver in his voice and poop in his pants...

" so this is my fate if I just stay like I am...."

The figure simply nodded...

Then once more he was whisked away.... and began to fall... towards this second fated doom!!!!

But just as the first touch of milk hit him and he began to dissolve, he was back in his chair.... but now he smelled a little more ripe.... like a tramps underpants...

"So these are my bad fates.... so what!"

"But..." said the figure... "it's what happens to others...."

The figure then placed a finger to his lips.... shhhh and the room vanished....

They stood in misty ground.... which cleared to reveal a cemetery....

"Where are we now?..." but the figure just pointed to a figure taking a piss on a grave....

"That's mine!", was crunchy nuts shocked expression

"You bastard Ebenezzer, all we wanted from you was one christmas dinner, but most of all your fortune when you died, but no... far to caught up in flying saucers and sh*t..... pssssssHHH! Kids your turn... and remember to wipe a bit of poo over the grave stone as you finish..."

"Cecil... How did this happen......you were the only one who understood"

Again things went misty... but clear once more....

and there was the cheerio family huddled around a small grave it's toothpick and blu tack cross hanging limply in the air....

"I'm sorry Tim that we didn't get to you in time with that kitchen cloth, we could have soaked up the milk with just Juan Sheet!, You was such a cheery soul, full of 14 vitamins and minerals, low in fat, a good source of calcium and fiber.... you was the whole grain, all in all good for the heart, I don't know what more could have been done... if only them burglars had left your gloves... things could have ended up different...."

The Cheerio Family just weeped more, their tears started to make them crumble..... and the ghost stayed silent...

"Poor half Tim", said Ebenezzer, "if only things could be different.... but they can this is the future.... I can change this.. I will change this..."

"I'll get to Penny world first thing and solve this..."

With this the Ghost hurtled him back to his house....

"what now..... what is my fate?"....

The ghost showed him.... a lone crunchy nut behind the fridge... slowly turning to dust... gone but not forgotten..."

His expression changed from one of sadness to one of glee!.

"That's the fate I want, and I shall have!".

With this declaration he woke up in his chair and jumped for joy and headed towards the window.

He threw open the window and shouted into the street.... "Oye urchin!..."

"What me?" said a ruff cheerio...

"Yes you with the hole... take this money and go to the butchers and get their two finest percy pigs and hurry back... there's a fifty in it for you...." and with that he threw down two pound coin toward the waiting cheerio... Thump... Chrunch....

"Oye other urchin..."

"What me sir?"

"Yes... take that coin over to the butchers and get me some percy pigs..."

"Righty hoo!. "and off he rolled to the butchers....

Once at the Burton Family Butchers, the cheerio when in and purchased the last 2 pigs... and took them back to crunchy nut's house.....

Here keep the change my boy...

"Wow a whole 50p, I'll be able to buy back my family again, after my father sold them to the local chemist for medical test dummies...."

but fate was not on this urchin cheerios side... the coins tipped... and there was some more crumbs on the paper laid pavement.

Crunchy nut, rushed off to his brothers house.. and banged on the door...

"Good morning! I bring you (rather late or early) christmas cheer and have brought you a fine percy pig for all the family to enjoy and presents... and a special one of kelly brook in sussys for you to enjoy in quiet of your parlour... wink wink nudge nudge.... I will take up your invite and shall be over boxing day.. with more presents.. good day to you and happy christmas.. I have a urgent errand I must attend too.."

"Who was that dear, oh the brother of the last owner ... he'd not realised he moved 5 years ago, but we did get a fine percy pig from the deal"

"Are you going to tell him of his mistake?... "

"I will but I'm just off to the parlour for a moment... I think what the butler saw machine is playing up...."

Ebnezzer rushed quickly off to Cheerios matchbox house...

He loudly banged on the door almost snapping it...

A tired bleery eyed Cheerio answered the door...

"Mr Crunchy Nut... what you doing here... I'm sorry to say that you've come at a bad time..."

"Worry not I've come to solve all your woes... first here's a big percy pig... and I managed to get all your presents and gloves for Tim... How is he?"

"Quick give me them gloves... they might just wake him..."

They wafted the woolen mittens under his little nose... with a tentative blink his eyes opened...

"Gloves?.... for me?" came a little voice.

"Yes tim, all yours and look matching socks, scarf and jumper, Mr Crunchy nut brought them for you.."

"How did you know sir?"

"Just say a change of heart helped me find out... now tim are you ready to run around outside... jump on my shoulders and we'll got out in the snow...."

So off they went in to the streets of the big smoke, running through the streets telling everyone to have a Merry Christmas... But tragedy came ebenzer slipped on some ice and dropped tiny tim to the hard floor.... Half Tim, Tim, I'm so sorry... Are you ok?...

"Sorry mister crunchy nut... I think half of me is done for.... but I'm ok... I think I'll have to get another crutch for my birthday..."

Oh how they laughed...

But Merry Christmas one and all (be it very late or very early)....

THE END...

I Fester know this tale to be true*, because if you go to a certain grave in Edinburgh you'll find a lone cereal sat on his masters grave howling at the moon.... but that is another story...

I maybe back next year... with more planning...

*it's all a lie really.

A ghostly Cheerio of Xmas past Stave 2

for scare-rah.... and jules

So you're back for the second part of our Christmas special (Little late as these things take time).... Gaze once more into my bouncing ball....

While the wrapping went on in the Cheerio household, different things where about to happen in the presence of Ebenzer.....

Crunchy Nut had finally left his office just before midnight...

"Merry Christmas Sir, could you spare a farthing" asked some street urchins to the fast paced Crunchy nut.

"Bugger off you little sods... you should be home not on the streets at this time, making them look untidy..."

"But we're orphans sir, our parents all perish in the big milk flood of '42, we've no where to go.."

"Still bugger off you little nez-bits, Do I look like I care that they were water soluble, be off with you before I get you all thrown into the big milk bowl of London Town", with this Crunchy Nut hurried once more on his way muttering to himself .. Urchins....

Just as he started to fumble for his keys ... a strange sight began to appear before him....

The Knocker on his front door began to take on the texture of a bran based cereal... and started to talk to him....

mmmm..mmm... mmmm it said... it's mouth full of the ring of the knocker....

Hmmm thought Ebenezer, I must be seeing things for the lack of food... and dismissed the mumbling apparition.

----

Twenty minutes later Crunchy nut was sat in his favourite chair, his favourite meal at the ready, Fish fingers, washed down with Cola and a Sherbert Dib-Dab with Flying saucers for afters...

Just before he began to tuck into his third packet of flying saucers, the temperature dropped and wailing filled the air.....

Whoooo! Whoooo! Whoooooooooooooooooo! (Cough) (Cough)...

A blob of bluey cheesey stuff, began to form in his gaze....

"Marley Barnflake is that you?"

"Yes is me old friend, I've come to bring you an important message... change your ways.. or end up like me.. suffering in the after life...."... wailed the ghostly bran flake...

"Excuse me..." said Crunchy Nut, "What is that thing attached to you?"

"Well it's my bear to bear in the afterlife... you also have a bear it is a ponderous bear you have worked on it these long seven years. I have to drag it around with me everywhere, because of the way I acted when alive... but that is not what I have to tell you Crunch Nut.... Change your ways... or a bigger bear waits for you in the afterlife...."

"Ha" replied Crunchy nut. "That is a fate I can live with".

Marley Bran Flake stared back at him... "maybe you could cope with a big bear, but the warning is more to do with your ultimate demise... at the minute you have 3 choices, 2 of which are painful... at the stroke of 1 am, since it's now after midnight, the two of five ghosts will visit you..."

"Two, was there a sale on or something?"

"Actually yes, a bogof, five ectoplasmic ghosts for the price of three.... beware Ebenezer, this is your only warning...." and with that the ghost faded...

Ebenezer just stayed on his chair.... I'll have some more sweets.... but then the clock struck one...

"DONG"....the room grew cold once more and then before him stood 2 small ghostly visitors....

"Who are you two?"

"We are the ghost of christmas past, when families used to be happier and not so bound by consumerism... anyways come with us Ebenezzer.. walk towards this red book... for this was your life..."

Crunchy Nut couldn't help himself from going towards the book.... as he drew closer... the room began to change... a quick blur and then all of a sudden he was in an old nursery....

"Oh my frosties... Pater is that you?"

"he can't hear you replied the g-hosts, do you recognise where we are?"

"Yes this was my first christmas... I was barely a flake and there's my brother..."

we were so small... I remember it so clearly.. as it was that night my pater told us we were milk soluble and wouldn't achieve anything apart from being broke down in complex amino acids and then pooed out....... both of us were so scared, and then determined to avoid this fate... and it was that year pater bought us both laminated jackets"

"This was your first good thing you achieved to better yourself from other cereal... but it seems to have gone down hill from there.... as proved by out next trip...."

Again they ended up in the nursery (I've not got many sets....) here we see you with your nanny Mrs Honey.... just about to be fired by your pater, for filling your flakey head with dreams and wishes...

"It was that very night after she had packed her belongings, that me and Cecil said we'd do more with our flakey life..."

With that the room began to fade and once more they were back in the living room....

"Take heed, crunchy nut, the next set of ghosts will visit you at the last stroke of 2am"... and with that the ghosts of xmas past faded away...

Crunchy Nut slumbered in his chair.. it was five to 2.. Right he thought I'll have a piss before I get dragged away again...

As soon as he had shaked his tiddler, no more than 3 times after a jimmy riddle.. or it would be classed as time with lady palm and her five lovely daughters.. He return to the living room and jumped back into his chair.. blinked.. and found the ghosts in front of him....

"Wot Cheor... canny hoos ye 'ave... nowt like itin Byker Grove or toon".

"Who are you?" said a now very confused corn based flake...

"Whe?... we r the boggles of christmas present kidda!, right off to toon we go!"

As quick as a flash, they reappeared in the slum area of town...

"Aye, pet this is more like Byker Grove...."

"Where are we, and what is this place, it stinks like....rotten milk, mixed with a sewer outlet here?".

"Sorry kidda, about that, you shouldn't stand so close to Dec, his diet tends to affect everyone

This is the house of cherrio, not so full of cheer at the moment......

As they entered through the wall, they saw the house was filled with the sound of weeping.

"Dam those coco-pops from the work house, I can't believe that they took everything and left a pile of shit under the tree, they even took the Betamax, I thought that they may have left that, they even took all my collection of top of the pop's 78's bakerlite tubes, with the saucy maidens on the front.

And all the presents and the Percy piglet, I hope the sods choke on that chewy pink meal....

And the gits smashed the door in, there's matches everywhere, we're lucky that they only smeared poo about the place, they could have set lite to it instead.

What are we going to do now?"

Suddenly all the children ran in.....

"Mather, father come quick it's Tim he's gone into shock, one of the thieves snapped his crutch and left a saucer of milk next to his bed, he's in a right two and eight, cor blimey governer!"

There in the bed lay Half Tim, his face a picture of pure shock, the very thought of that lactic trap by the side of the bed had comatose the half cereal.

"Quick call the quack!"

The local doc soon came around, as soon as he saw the half cereal, he began to tut,

"I'm sorry mr cherrio but it looks like tim will not be wanting a hat to match his gloves next Christmas... Or socks or any woollen apparel for that matter"

"Why doctor Bran why?" ask Bob.

"Well his crispness has got to an all time low, and unless he wakes he'll just break apart further".

With this the doctor left, he had an emergency cesarian to perform on a corn flake...

The cheerio family stood quiet

"I guess we just have to wait till morning, lets all go and pray to the Cinamon Grahams for him just pull through".

The family then all got into the same bed, avoided the wet patch and all fell into a troubled sleep, with the first nasal snore the room went black, the crunchy found himself back in front of his fire.

"So that was cheerios home, what a sh*t hole, I'm surprised he doesn't stink of piss in the morning when he gets to work, and them kids of his should be sent to the Shreddies mines and made to work... but I do hope half tim pulls through, cause otherwise Bob will want a day off..."

"So ye didn't learn the lesson?, well lets hope the ghost of Christmas future can make you see the error of your ways....." and with this the two geordie ghosts disappear....

"I'm hungry after all this running around, lets have a refresher... mmm"

But before he could get one out.. the clock struck 3am... and now a new ghost stood in front of him....

What will cheerio do?, will half Tim pull through?, and which one of the Cheerio family will end up on the wet patch?.... dum dum dum dumdum

The end of Stave 2