Oh Boris NOOOOOOO! the Humanity!

Cereal Fans, tragedy has struck my humble existent...

What a month it has been, me and my cereal gang have been living it large all this month!

Concert's, Opera, Eating out, Bungee Jumping... Rollercoasters, you name it we've done it, apart from anything involving water and milk, as we are all soluble....

But all is not well... maybe this was a pre-cursor that we had to enjoy life.

For what happened is shocking....

It all began with big hand having a few bad weeks and rushed off his rather large feet, but he doesn't know if he started the tragic events, as the wind has been picking up outside. and rushing around the building, it being old and falling apart. I mean would I have been given a chance at life in a well run building...I think not...

What tragic thing has happened to my beloved Bubbles (My nickname for my beloved Susie), in all her sugary puffy goodness (which may have lead to her downfall) has been kidnapped by our new resident Boris!

Big hand noticed the misfortune of my beloved on Tuesday, and was himself filled with grief at the very mishap unfolded before his eyes....

And he was just going to rescue her from the predicament, when Boris popped out, slow and sluggish, but keeping guard.... what to do OH what to do!

Big hand thinks that a gush of wind from the nearby kitchen door, or all the swish swash of people going by has lead to the 'light' Bubbles being blown onto Boris' web.

But for the moment he can't do anything.. Boris is very attentive, in fact he thinks that Bubbles maybe falling victim to Stockholm syndrome just like Patty Hearst, I've seen her stroking Boris's eight legs and going on about rights for spiders to live in any gap they find... and I think she is knitting a woolen spider-suit to 'Fit in'

OH what should a Cheerio Do?, I mean look at what I've had to lose..... she had a great bottom.

the solution was fast and quick from big hand, a lovely picture of Kelly Brook, who is single and top of the fit list at the moment and is appearing on everything at the minute, but can you blame her.. WOOF WOOF!.

So here I leave this cliff hanger... Does Bubbles return? Will Den raise from the grave and become a flesh eating Zombie.... along with Ethel... and Arthur..

Bring back rolly.. and wellhard.... and will Ian Beale ever leave the square?

DUM DUM DUMM DUMM DUM.....

Anyone can fall in love
That's the easy part you must keep it going
Anyone can fall in love
Over the years it has to keep growing
Sun and rain
Joy and pain
There's highs - there's lows
We've no way of knowing.

I'm here!.... and we've gone multi cereal...

Hiya fellow cereal lovers, it's me Chaz... I'm back. I have good news, bad news and some truly sad news.

Well I'm still in the same spot, with Suzy, who is still the sugary puffy goodness in my crispy heart, but there has been some developments... we've gone multi-cereal with our new neighbour Brenda the Bran Flake. With the help of our new neighbour we go to know our crunchy nut neighbour he's called Nigel, a bit strange but seems nice enough, we've all been out for a drink, trying to get to know each other, so far all went well so we'll see what the future holds....

Brenda said was deposited here by the "large hand", whose large foot gave us a scare when it came down close to us. But all it did was aggravate my back.

I've had trouble lately when trying to sleep, as living in the big outdoors is a little strange to a cheerio, usually we hide away in dark corners scraping lichen off pipes for food.

You see in the past we were very different, not the round crunchy full multi grain cereal that you have come to love. Our now habit was dark damp corners and bogs, methane enriched environments.

It all chanced when Mr Nestle cam along with his machines, you see one of our natural cycles is to cocoon ourselves every three months or so, but in a oxygen rich atmosphere we do it as a defensive tact to survive.

Mr Nestle hit on a plan to trap us in this state as our outer shell of the cocoon is really tasty.

He came up with a plan involved painting the inside of a box black and leaving them in areas we used to inhabit. Next he'd collect the boxes and lift them into the air, making us automatically cocoon ourselves. Then we got bagged up and sold in all supermarkets around the world.

So remember next time you crunch that's actually bones.

But anyway I went and had an X-ray to find the root of the problem. Well the problem ended up being a free floating vertebrae.

The doctor said this has happened because of my constant state of being in a cocoon. He said he sees it quite a lot really, the procedures quite quick and he pushed it back within an hour.

So all is well and good with me now, but on to the sad news.

Misty the cat is sadly no more, she was an inspiration for me starting to blog. As ever I was the last to know, so we arranged a memorial service for this legendary cat.

We hope the miceys are nice where she is now, so bless that cat. That's all for now I'm on my way to recover so me and the gang will be back shortly.

Cheerio 2 the return of Chaz.... the ongoing cereal

Hello again, it's Chaz.

I'm still resting here along with my sugar puff girlfriend Suzy, say hello Suzy...

"hello"

The mice and rats now seem to have given us a wide berth and we exist for another month.

This month me and Suzy have decided to have a laugh with body alterations.

I grew a full on tramp beard, but had to get rid of it.. due to it tickling and dipping in my soup.

I then had some tattoos done.. I think I look really cool, Ice Cool

Susy on the other hand had her breasts done and started going to the gym, she looks great (but she had a killer body before all that).

But it has cause some unwelcome attention from our new neighbour, a Crunchy Nut Flake, that has just been deposited and I'm not liking the stares he/she keeps giving Suzy. It came to a head the other day while she was painting.

They've not talk to us just yet and seem a little strange... I've already seem them dancing in the moonlight, howling...I think they are nuts...

But some tragic news to report, Charlotte our spider neighbour, has unfortunately died while trying to expand her home, The police said they think she choked on a bit of fly.

It seems a bit strange as she was in good health last time she came by.

I have my doubts about the cause of death, it was on the same day our new

neighbour moved in... There will be no funeral unfortunately, she'll just desiccate further and be a constant reminded that life is hard and cruel at times.

We did have a close call the other day, Henry the resident hoover came sniffing around.

Fortunately he had a cold and was not up to his best sucking ability, so as usual me and Suzy made up for this close call, we stayed in bed all day Sunday.

Monday was strange as I went to clean the windows and noticed nut smears on them and a sweet golden liquid.

I'm at a loss at what has cause the smears and marks...

I've also been concerned about this mad man running around with a sawn off loaded spoon. I'm sure I saw him the other day.

Well that's all till next time.... I hope I'm still here and not have a cereal killer camping out on the stairs below us....

Sleep tight and don't have nightmares...

The Faceless Cyclist....

This again is another true incident.... seen by more than one...

Back a few years to my previous job which involved late starts and late nights... I was told by my colleague who I gave a lift to about the ghostly cyclist...

I poo pooed the whole idea, himself being a cyclist traveling the same route, this guy was just another... but he said, why is he always pushing his bike and has his hand on his face... again I laughed.. he's just tired...

So for a few months he still rode his bike from Notlob to Sale, mentioning that he'd seen the guy again, but then he was knocked off his bike and I began to give him lifts home...

In reality I should have been more opened minded, as I had to travel the A666 from start to finish, pass the same spot where I saw the "Starwars Fight'.

So giving lifts started. Sure enough after a while I caught sight of this cyclist, pushing his bike with his hand on his face...

I regularly saw him when we did our eight hour hour shifts... he'd be in the same spot at 1.45am and I mean the exact spot...

I saw him once further back down the road, but I was 10mins early. But reading this you may think that's not strange....

But the time he was in this spot was also the same when the clocks went forward or back, so when we travel by at 12.45am after the clocks went back he was there and then on our nine hour shift when the clocks went forward he was there at 2.45am.

So after about four months or so of short shifts, we got back onto a nine hour shift and lo and behold, there he was pushing his bike hand to face....

My passenger then turned to me, lets drive passed him... so that's what we did, a sharp right back on ourselves a quick blast down a street and we was there... and so was he....

Both of us wanted something proving... him that there was something wrong with the guy and me that there wasn't... we drew closer and then to his side...

There was something very odd about the guy.... his hand was to his face... my passenger began getting excited.... I looked in the rearview mirror and all I can describe his face as.. is the scream mask... or a bit like the attached photo...

It was very strange and unexplainable, we weren't the only people though to see this guy, he was also seen after I stopped giving a lift to my colleague, by lovely B, a girl who had to travel the A666 too back to a town that was and still is more sinister than the caves in the hills have eyes film....Darren.. as it's know by locals....

It's been a few years now since I left and also.... I don't know if lovely B much travels at that time anymore.... so I don't know if the cyclist is still treading the same patch of road.... hand to his disfigured face for all of time... or really 1.45am, never reaching his destination...

The free contemplating Cheerio.

So who am I? I'm one of the bunch or I was until about 6 months or so ago, when I was released from my bowl prison... my fate to be eaten and turned into energy and poo narrowly averted.

My name's Chaz the lone Cheerio (a name of a cereal that's really saying goodbye and full of oooo's)... I'm currently lying on the wooden floor in an old embroidery factory all on my own, I fell out of the bowl on the way back to the human office... soaked in milk, my escape was heard.. but not seen.

It's quite a miracle to have been here so long, considering the rats and mice that infest this place... so what's my fate to be now?, will I end up in a rodent stomach? or can I continue my thoughts on life, the mysteries of the universe and love, till I turn into dust.

I think my life would be radically different if my original fate had come true... parts of me now would be far and wide combined with different things... including other food stuffs.. or I'd be floating free in a large body of water, or buried in the dark soil..... the possibilities are endless..

I can though now recite Pi or π to it's three thousand decimal point.... forwards and backwards (I'm sure my mobile number is in there somewhere)...

Pi to 3000dp PI 3. 141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944 592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647 093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559 644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165 271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273 724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360 011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057270365759591953 092186117381932611793105118548074462379962749567351885752724 891227938183011949129833673362440656643086021394946395224737 190702179860943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132 000568127145263560827785771342757789609173637178721468440901 224953430146549585371050792279689258923542019956112129021960 864034418159813629774771309960518707211349999998372978049951 059731732816096318595024459455346908302642522308253344685035 261931188171010003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303 598253490428755468731159562863882353787593751957781857780532 171226806613001927876611195909216420198938095257201065485863 278865936153381827968230301952035301852968995773622599413891 249721775283479131515574857242454150695950829533116861727855 889075098381754637464939319255060400927701671139009848824012 858361603563707660104710181942955596198946767837449448255379 774726847104047534646208046684259069491293313677028989152104 752162056966024058038150193511253382430035587640247496473263 914199272604269922796782354781636009341721641219924586315030 286182974555706749838505494588586926995690927210797509302955 321165344987202755960236480665499119881834797753566369807426 542527862551818417574672890977772793800081647060016145249192 173217214772350141441973568548161361157352552133475741849468 438523323907394143334547762416862518983569485562099219222184 272550254256887671790494601653466804988627232791786085784383 827967976681454100953883786360950680064225125205117392984896 084128488626945604241965285022210661186306744278622039194945 047123713786960956364371917287467764657573962413890865832645 995813390478027590099465764078951269468398352595709825822620 522489407726719478268482601476990902640136394437455305068203 496252451749399651431429809190659250937221696461515709858387 410597885959772975498930161753928468138268683868942774155991 855925245953959431049972524680845987273644695848653836736222 626099124608051243884390451244136549762780797715691435997700 129616089441694868555848406353422072225828488648158456028506 016842739452267467678895252138522549954666727823986456596116 354886230577456498035593634568174324112515076069479451096596 094025228879710893145669136867228748940560101503308617928680 920874760917824938589009714909675985261365549781893129784821 682998948722658804857564014270477555132379641451523746234364 542858444795265867821051141354735739523113427166102135969536 231442952484937187110145765403590279934403742007310578539062 198387447808478489683321445713868751943506430218453191048481 005370614680674919278191197939952061419663428754440643745123 718192179998391015919561814675142691239748940907186494231961 567945208095146550225231603881930142093762137855956638937787

I've helped construct a spider village for "Seven" the spider disability charity, for the unfortunate spiders who through one reason or more only have 7 or less legs...

We constructed a feeding station for Currant, the paraplegic, he recently lost all his legs in a recent child leg pulling incident, the poor chap is still tramatised and has to have all his food pre-digested.

In my spare time I've have become a fairly decent artist, trying various styles of old masters....

I recently had a show entitled "Homage", the turn out was quite low, Dusty the dust bunny turned up, the humans who past by, including the guy who was going to eat me ignored the free show, but what pleased me best of all the mites had a coach trip to the show and I managed to sell 3 of them.

In June I threw a fancy dress party, where everyone had to come as a superhero, what a night lots of drink and fun, but the following morning, I woke up with Suzi the sugar puff who had been eyeing me up all night, her wonderwoman outfit had my eyes distracted all night, the way it showed off her curves ....mmmmmm

Well we're going steady now... until she's either eaten or brushed away... I can't wait to see what the next few months have in store for me... the free cheerio!

You're a bit short for a Storm Trooper....

So it's been a while since I blogged and to be honest I've been trying to find something to blog about. I have started some off that may come later, but I needed something that would spark my imagination into it's usual chaotic self....

So what did it?

Well I was reminded of a strange happening from 11 years ago.. it was in 1999 (Prince was still partying at this time). I remember clearly when it was, because of where I had been that night, but the actual incident seems foggy and unreal.

But let me paint a picture before I go on... I've now been on this earth for the best part of nearly 40 years and done quite a few things, some seemily impossible and been to quite a few places as well in the meantime...

I've been in a taxi in Venusula, that took the path as a short cut.

Swam in the gulf of Mexico in superhero underpants.

Watched Alien at the age of 7 and not been affected by it.

I've been on the amazon river and met some indians and traded my Batman boat for a bow and arrow, seen a 2 and a half inch long ant, a rare amazonian dolphin and ate beetroot...

Had a pet chicken, rescued a hummingbird from a stoning.

Beat up an older kid.

Sung solo in-front of 300 people about my daddy wouldn't by me a bow-wow and that I had a little cat and was very fond of that but I'd rather have a bow-wow-wow, along with about another 4 things I had to do that evening.

Had a second near death experience involving a children's roundabout, a train track and a short period of blacking out, my fingers losing their grip being the last image I remember.

I've had a car crash head first into the door of our car right next to my head, then the door and passenger of that car precede to fall onto the road.

I've experienced large earthquakes, terrorist bombs, scorpions an inch from my face and not with a glass partition...

Taken an Incan human thigh bone as a club (I wasn't allowed to keep that)

.....and all of that was before I hit my tenth birthday.

So after 10 well...

I had 2 ghostly experiences...

I had my third near death experience, were I got throttled till I passed out by a second former... after my "friends" locked me in the corridor refusing to open the door.

I was nearly run over coming out of a phone box on a dark and foggy night, by a car that mounted the pavement... I could see my reflection in the side window it was that close.....

I've stepped onto a plane and travelled the best part of 2000 miles for a Job interview.

Stood by a raging sea at 4am drunk, crying and wondering whether I should just jump in and end it all...

I've had my heart irreparably broken by the most beautiful woman I've ever known so far and kissed.

I've been the "other man", to someone who many thought would have never chosen me in a month of Sundays.

Had a one night stand after a works doo, who told me I was a good kisser and could have not imagined that I was.... I didn't go looking for this compliment... but now had it 3 times...

Kissed a millionairess, who was named after one of Captain Scarlets Angels, which totally blew me away being the geek I am. S.I.G

I own nearly 7000 comics, hundreds of magazines, over 30 cameras.

So it's fair to say I've done a fair few things, some which are probably fairly unique.

But the uniqueness off this experience is probably why I remember it like a dream.

So it was a Thursday 15th of July 1999 and the opening night of Star Wars Episode 1. I had managed to get tickets for the premier show at my previous place of employment, (one of the only other people who reads this worked with me at the time and a fine person she is now as she was then).

So there was Me, My now bezzie mate Bret, my former best mate Andy, Nick and Phil a couple of guys I worked with and two others. All of us eager to see the film, after the long wait from the last in 1983 Return of the Jedi, with the annoying Ewoks.... when most of us were in short pants and didn't view princess Leia in her slave outfit as something sexy... well Nick never would... I know he would have Han Solo instead.

So the curtain parted to loud applause and so began the film... a mixture of all we knew and more.. thanks to computer animation.

But this thing didn't happen till way after the film had finished....

After dropping Phil off in his native Notlob... Me and Andy had a short hop over the dark moors back to the dire Burn, passed the crappy town of Darren.

Now Darren is a special sort of place... I did work there for a while and it's not nice, the biggest named shop was Poundland and there was a huge clustering of double width buggies and single teenage mums, greater than the nation average.. and on the way in, on the dark moors someone has mounted a large cross on the hill, just incase you forget.... what I've often wondered.

So this short hop we had to traverse the dreaded A666, which has had a high percentage of crashes (one I was involved in many moons ago) and a fairly high amount of deaths.

So as you can see from the picture below forest surrounds the road on both sides and at the time we arrived.. pitch black...

So as we got to this very point after midnight, I first saw a red flash up ahead in the darkness, both me and my mate thought it maybe someone in trouble and my headlights just reflected off their warning triangle.... but then as we drew a little closer, a green flash appeared and disappeared, with this we began to feel a little spooked... we had discussed previously about going on a ghost hunt in another location..

But could this be my third such ghostly experience and my very first on this road? I thought it was about time to see something, only because of the amount of times I drove down it on a regular basis.

So on I drove now with a touch more fear than this road usually gave me... and prepared myself for what vision may lie ahead.....

More flashes now fill the darkness in front of us... the closer we drew to the Lay-by, that we both knew to be ahead... but the sight that presented itself as we drew up... well take a look at the picture below... for it is what we saw in the darkness...

Yes this is what we actually saw.... Darth Vader having a light saber duel, with Qui-Gon Jinn, all the while a rather portly Princess Leia waited around the front of the Ford Fiesta... the fate of the galaxy must have been in huge peril if the mode of transport was a MK3 Fiesta..

So both me and my friend gawked at each other.... did we really just see that?.. we laughed all the way home... still unsure to this day....

Over the following years I did tell a few people about it and also told it on the radio as an opening to stories of the haunted A666... the Devils Road...

So was the devil playing tricks with our minds?... and did we really see what we thought we saw? Truth being some more over excited geeks than ourselves having a bit of fun.... and only 5 people in the world probably know the truth....

I still like to dream...

Frog log

There was a young Frog who sat on a log resting in a bog,

Which apparently made him sound like a dog,

Curious he pondered, once I sat on this log I no longer sound like a frog but instead I have the woof of the dog.

While his brain did cog over the mystery of the log, down came a thick fog.

He sat on his log for the full slog, till the fog did clear to show a hog.

A hog as big as a large dog, now looked at the frog who sat on the log and woofed like a dog.

Who are you remarked the Hog, Me? I'm just a mystery Frog.

And who are you Hog? How did you end up in this bog?

Well said the Hog, I went for a jog but got lost in the fog.

So there they did chat this jogging hog and mystery frog, both sat on the log, in a bog drinking egg nog from two clogs.

The End